Soul Weary

I want to fight
To have the energy to stand up for what I believe in
But some days I don't know what that is
And most days I'm too afraid to admit it in public even if I do know where I stand
Most days I'm so tired
Tired of the fighting and the hatred
Coming from both sides
But too tired to feel love
Or pain
Or anything at all
My soul is weary
It is heavy and hard to carry
It's hard to explain why I don't see much to believe in at the moment
Or maybe it's not hard at all
I don't know where to go
For a safe space
For the truth
Who can tell me
Who can answer my questions
Who can give my soul the strength it needs to go on
I'm so
Tired
Of the fighting.

Chasing the sunset

I went chasing after the colors of the sunset tonight
As the sky turned from whites and blues to pinks and purples and blush, and finally a deep dark indigo, the color I'd imagine ink would be
I drove following the road and the sky
Watching it get swallowed up in the trees
As the road narrowed and the trees thickened and the sky darkened
And I lost my sense of direction
Assuming I had any to begin with
I let the road direct me as one by one cars turned corners and there were no headlights in front of me and none behind and I was alone on this dark road the sky was gone, but the smells, the sounds, the feel of my heart jumping as a deer appeared in my headlights
And the calm, the giddiness the happiness
That came with peace and contentment
Destressing
Reconnecting
Relearning how to breath
To think
Uninterrupted
And as the night turned darker and darker
And I began to think that maybe I should find my way back home
That is when everything started to become clear
And I am hopeful
That tomorrow will bring more clarity still.