Daily Thought- Chabad.org

Become Truth

There is no truth about G‑d.
Truth is G‑d.
There is no one who learns Truth.
You become Truth.
There is no need to search for Truth.
You have inherited it and it is within you.
You need only learn quietness
to listen to that inheritance.

Happy Birthday to me

It was a great birthday. There was cake. I'm in Florida. I'm 'tuckered out' as they say. If someone put me to bed I would go willingly.

I'm happy for the people in my life, and the memories I will cherish. Family is important, even if they annoy you. Sometimes just showing up says a lot.

I'm growing up. Last time I was here visiting my grandparents I was 16. Now I am old enough to actually appreciate them and their wisdom. They may be old and slow but they are sharp and wise. And healthy. If I could be as healthy as them when I am in my 80's... well there's the tiny portions of food I couldn't get used to. And the 'early to bed early to rise'. My grandmother wakes me at 8, and they have already finished breakfast.

Yes life will be waiting for me when I get back, but this has been a much needed respite. Relaxed, renewed, rejuvenated. A year older. A year smarter. A year more mature. Ready to take on life's challenges.

This will be the year of good things.

Wishing all of you lots of blessings in your life, only revealed good, and Moshiach Now!

Reject

Back in the day, we were on a first-name basis with our mail man. Back in the day it was also acceptable to say mail 'man'. Now the correct term is mail carrier, or mail person. But if the problem is the gender prejudice, then why say 'mail' at all. Why not say, "Person who delivers my bills and credit card offers", or in short- DOBN- Deliverer Of Bad News. Ya, my DOBiN just dropped something off today. That is so gonna catch on.

Oh great, more bills. Um, no thanks. Reject. Reject. Like a dating website where a guy who you are totally not into tries to chat you up. Reject. Um, sorry but no. I would not like this please of mail. Please return it to the post office.

An essay you have to submit by midnight and no interest in doing it? No thank you, I reject it. Bad grade on your test? Reject. Delivery refused, return to sender.

Yes, all bad puns connected with shipping. I have experience at a shipping company.

Another birthday, another year older? Na, send it back. Not interested in 2-4. Anything else, please?

Well, I actually do have an essay due tonight. Procrastination.... oooooh procrastination. But then I'm home free! Going to Florida for a few days vacation.

Vacation? I'll sign for that. 

Cold World

I'm waiting, but I'm not sure who I'm waiting for.

He says goodnight and starts to walk away.

I want to call after him, tell him I need his advice.

But what's the point? What could he tell me that would make me feel better?

I turn away, the chill hitting my body.

My jacket hangs useless over my arm.

I call my mother and hear the silence and wonder why she isn't saying something to comfort me.

I see a billboard for some chocolatey goodness, but I swore off food long ago.

I wonder why no one is looking at me, talking to me.

The cop stands idly, and I want to be stopped, if only for conversation.

I try to calm down, forcing the tears away.

I tried to make it in the world, but who am I kidding.

My safe secure insular frum bubble has not prepared me for this.

I sit at a bus stop, pretending I have somewhere to be.

It's a cold cold world out there.

In the light of day

It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Witty conversation flowing,
eyes glowing in the mirror,
They like me,
they like me not.

In the light of day
the magic disappears.
The excitement dies,
the idea seems dumb.
Reality crashes back.

All the colors that were once
vibrant vivid pulsating
creating a pounding in my chest
that made me wonder, what if.
They are gone now.

Replaced by the truth.
Truth that it was nothing,
that the wine and company
clouded my judgement,
made me see what was not there.

In the light of day
I realize how silly it must seem
to like a boy
who is promised
to another girl.

I see his name in print
and smile in relief
following the belief
that he may be
the one for me.

But alas,
it was not meant to be,
you see
G-d had other plans for me
and I can feel them coming.

Freedom

And then some decisions are simply made for you.

G-d handed me the Universe on a platter.

Took the decision out of my hands.

It's reassuring, knowing with certainty that it's time to move on.

Cuz that's what He decided.

Don't question the Universe.

Just say thank you.

And then figure it out.

Nothing can stop me now.

I'm free.

Minefield

Like a minefield,
I walk gingerly
wondering
when this will all fall apart.

Every step I take
brings fear
this may be the end
wrong move, game over.

I trust,
yes I trust in You, G-d
but I never got a map
You sent me in blind.

Guessing,
feeling,
hoping,
wondering.

Is this the way to go
or will the next step
explode
wishing for a do-over.

Yes, You have a plan,
One I know nothing about.
Stumbling, trying
not to make the wrong move.

Every step uncovers
another piece of road
the journey unfolds
before me.

Second-guessing myself
comes naturally,
always wondering
what if.

Show me the way.
Tell me that I'm doing fine.
Let me know
that the end is near.

Instead I wander
uncertain
leaping without knowing
where or if I will land.

Healthy living

The day just keeps on going and going
and I look for the strength to get through it.
Shopping, funny how I need strength to go shopping.
Something that brings great pleasure
can be so... tedious.

My mind, my body aches
I haven't sat down in hours,
the subways are screwed up today
genius MTA.
And it's not over yet.

Buy food for the week
and make dinner for the week
and prepare a lunch for tomorrow.
All so I can be healthy
and lose weight.

It's like my body forgot what food tastes like,
it's been so long.
An invite to a Rosh Chodesh gathering,
I agree to go if I can find a ride,
please G-d let me not find a ride.

But haha, the one person I call is happy to take us,
my friend really wants to go,
I need more spirituality in my life,
all of that wins out over my tiredness.
And so I go.

The topic is health.
The month is Iyar.
It stands for 'Ani Hashem Rofecha'
I am your G-d who heals you.
So we learn about physical, mental, spiritual health.

I'm smug.
I know all this.
I didn't get to lose all this weight doing nothing.
She talks about healthy eating,
about homeopathic remedies.

Thank you lady, I want to say.
But 'I got this'.
Maybe I'm arrogent
Or I hate advice.
You have to find what works for you.

I listen politely,
ask some questions,
store it in the back of my brain.
Go on with my life,
because I'm already doing the best I can.

My snacks lined up on the table
my lunch is detailed
I'm spoiled, need everything to be prepared.
Cut and peel the orange,
citrus wafting up to me.

My mom calls.
Two nights in a row.
What's up.
She tells me how much she admires the changes I made.
She wants to do the same.

She called me for advice.
For tips.
I used to blame my mother for my problems
Until I took responsibility
and made the changes on my own.

And now
She wants to know how I do it.
I tell her, find what works for you.
Start small.
Make the changes.

She's proud of me.
She's turning to me for advice.
And it was all worth it.