Mi, mi mi mi miiiiiiiiii!!!

A Story All About Me.

It is just so horrible how they treat me, it is like they hate me, and all I am trying to do is do my job.

You annoy me, you get in my way, you don't help me even when I ask you nicely, which of course forces me to ask not so nicely and say things to you like "you are useless, you suck. The person before you did this job so much better." Because, you are truly incompetent. You call me the "b" word, only you don't say it to me but more about me. And the funny thing is, it doesn't hurt.

You are in my way. Move. Move out of my way. You walk so slow on the sidewalk, and up the stairs and when I brush by you to get ahead you have the nerve to get annoyed at me! Like, hello you are in my way, do you not see that I am in a rush, can you not tell that I have somewhere to be and I am late and besides, I walk fast and you walk slow so move aside and let me pass.

I sigh. I told you three times today about that thing I need you to take care of and you didn't do it and it is getting really annoying, like how many times do I need to ask you to do this? I don't care if you are the boss, you said you would do it and then you forgot. Really, that it not nice and it doesn't help me do my job.

I answered your question 5 times today, and you just keep asking. Are you stupid? Don't answer that. You are stupid. You are so dumb. Read my answer! How do you not understand what I'm saying?? Clearly you should not be using a computer.

Why didn't you answer when I called you? Are you too busy to talk to me? Are you ignoring me? Oh, I'm sorry, is this a bad time? Just answer the stupid phone when I call and then I won't have to call back.

Why are you using the kitchen? I wanted to cook and you are taking up space. Get out. No really, I was thinking a long time ago that I would cook now, how come you didn't tell me that you were planning to also? You are getting in my way.

Be quiet I am trying to go to sleep. Why must you make noise and turn on the light when I am sleeping? You are so rude. Rude rude rude. You shouldn't even be here because I got here first.

You told me to ask nicely and I did ask nicely and you still didn't help me. You say something about team, and I remember the lame pep talk, how there is no 'I' in Team. Right. Okay. Yippy.

And then I look around and I am all alone and I wonder why everyone was so mean and selfish and left me when I needed them most. Why? I ask myself. Whyyyyy?

And so I turn old and gray and I sit there with my 23 cats and I talk to them until they all walk away and then I get mad that they are not listening to me and I throw them out the door.

And so I win the lottery and buy an island and name it AltieLand and let no one come there, because clearly everyone hates me.

~~~~~

The End

P.S. This is a self reflection and a note to self about being more patient and less self-centered. In case you totally missed the point.