It can't be

My mind refuses to believe what my eyes are seeing.

It can't be. It can't.

What I want to know is how. Because if you can't tell me how it happened then maybe it didn't happen. I refuse to believe it. I want someone to confirm it. Better, I want it to be a mistake.

Anger. I am so angry. And I just don't understand.

They call it a 'tragedy'. They say 'With great sadness and deep pain' but what do they know about pain? I doubt they even knew him.

Did I know him? He must have been 7 when I first saw him. My brother's age. We all played in the backyard together. He watched his little siblings. Sometimes he was annoying. Sometimes I teased him. For the way he talked. For the way he looked.

And then I moved away and never thought about any of them again.

His levaya is tomorrow. I have no idea how he passed away. I can't even say the words. I can't believe it.

Most of the time it's sad, but when it's someone you know, even vaguely... it hits harder. I am still reeling from the blow.

So please G-d, turn back the clock and make it not happen.

I feel like screaming. And I still don't understand it!