Happy and spiritual Rosh Hashana

Yes, the holidays are coming.

Since I don't have my own home, this doesn't mean much physical preparations for me. I don't have to cook, I don't have to clean, and since I am going to be a guest at someone's house for yom tov, I don't have to do much of anything.

So I sit here and reflect on the past year. And I am scared.

I consider my relationship with G-d a good one. Perhaps I am fooling myself. Most likely that is the case. This is not confessionals, so I don't have to spill my guts to you, but I know what I have done, or not done in the past year. I know that some days I have not davened. Is talking to G-d one on one in English considered praying? When I say Oh my G-d, or thank G-d, does that mean anything? Yes it does. Why then is it so important to pray the words in Hebrew, the special prayers that great men have created long ago? I don't know.

I wonder what G-d will inscribe for me in His book this year. I wonder about everything the new year will bring. Will He choose life for me, or (G-d forbid) death? Good fortune, or bad? I have no idea. But for some reason, I have a cocky confidence that I will be alright.

I don't know for certain, because no one but G-d can know, but I am confident.

Yes I know it is foolish. I share the same confidence as the man in the song 'isn't is ironic.'

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

How can you know if this is your last day? How can you know that you won't have bad fortune? You can't. But at the same time, who walks around thinking, today I will die? The assumption is that we will have many more years on this earth, which is why so many people waste their time here, and end their lives with nothing much to show.

The point is, there is no reason why I don't daven every day. It does not come from a place that says, me and G-d are tight, so there's no need to thank Him and ask Him for special things, they will just come to me. No, it comes from a place of neglect.

I am scared because when G-d comes to my name in His big book, what will He see? Not much. So why then am I still here? I assume it is because I still have a lot more to accomplish here, and G-d is giving me some more time to discover what it is. Hopefully I will not let Him down.

I want to wish all of you and your families a happy and healthy sweet new year. May it be a year that brings only good and happiness and blessings in abundance. May your spirituality reach great heights, may G-d grant all of your hearts desires in all areas, and may we all celebrate the ultimate redemption with Moshiach now.

I hope that every one of you takes some time for introspection, and to ask yourself, am I ready for this Rosh Hashana, am I ready for G-d to judge me, and am I ready for what this new year will bring?