Bocher I’m awesome

This poem was inspired by the song 'I'm awesome' by Spose. It is meant as a parody, a joke, and is not meant to be taken as an insult.

I’m awesome

No you’re not bocher don’t lie.

I’m awesome

I have never in my life worn a tie

I’m awesome

Can’t afford pointy shoes

So I wear crocs, so comfortable, those will have to do

Unless I go on a date

In which case

I can always borrow a suit

But no dates for me cuz I didn’t get smicha

Plus my sister has facebook so nobody wants me.

I go to shul once in awhile

Mismatched suit, never in style

Black hat beaten up you’d think I got in a fight

Had it since I was thirteen, but that’s alright.

On Friday night I eat Gefilte fish

If there is smirnoff I’ll even make Kiddush

I go to a farbrengin on all the holy days

So I can drink a lechaim and act like an idiot

And yes super bowl counts as one

I’m awesome

No you’re not bocher don’t lie

I’m awesome

Never in my life gotten high (weed doesn’t count)

I’m awesome

Met all my friends at yeshiva

Dropped out cuz I couldn’t take the pressure

Now I live at home for free

No need for an alarm clock

Cuz my mother wakes me

Never worked a day in my life

Easy ride, now isn’t that nice

I’m awesome

No you’re not bocher don’t lie

I’m awesome

You’d never know, cuz I’m so shy But-

I’m awesome

Tzitzis that stick out and a shirt untucked

Look like a shlump

No money, no job, can’t even earn a quick buck

But that’s ok cuz I’ve got Dad

Who pays my cell phone bill and

Even an allowance

So I can hang out with my friends at a bar

On Motzei Shabbos.

I’m not worried about getting married

Even though I’m 25

I have my pick of girls from when they turn 17

And my whole life to decide

Cuz well, I’m awesome like that

And you know the rest.

I’m awesome

No you’re not bocher don’t lie

I’m awesome

Haven’t left the house in awhile

I’m awesome

But it’s all ok cuz I have a mashpia

And I’m holy like that

I even cry when I pray,

Which doesn’t happen too often,

Mostly on the holidays.

I do mivtzoyim at the airport

So I can hit on pretty girls,

While putting tefillin on their boyfriends.

So I keep a pair handy to take with me on trips.

But I don’t go nowhere cuz well, there’s nowhere to go.

So I stay at home.

By myself.

Not even a cat for company.

Can’t have a pet, cuz I’m holy like that And-

I’m awesome

No you’re not bocher don’t lie

I’m awesome

I drive around in my friends ride

I’m awesome

No need for a license cuz I don’t got a car but

I’m awesome

I will run towards a scene when I see a fight

Be the first one in

And the last one out

I want my name on COL

For doing nothing

But the publicity is great

And don’t hate me for being awesome.

Just follow my lead. You know you want to….

Cuz I’m awesome.

I’m a bocher and I’m awesome.