Just a Ride

I close my eyes and let the wind whip over me,
caressing my hair.
The music at full blast.
No need to open the windows,
for the top is down.

Guys and cars,
that's what they say.
He has a convertible.
He is oh so cute.
He has good taste in music.

And yet we ride silently.
The music meant to dissuade conversation.
And at the end of the ride
we exchange polite 'good nights' and say
see you at work.

I have no need for little-girl crushes
but my heart flutters at the way his eyes light up
when he sees me coming.
I pretend to like football
to keep the conversation going.

It's just a ride,
I tell myself.
But if this were a real date
instead of a gracious favor from a coworker
it wouldn't be just a ride.

Who am I?

You want to know my name.

You ask me if I'm "Chabad".

Does it matter what I am? I'm a Jew, you're a Jew, we're all the same.

Suddenly, I'm the odd one out. You poke fun at Chabad.

I don't see the humor.

You ask me if my middle name is Chaya. You seem to assume we must all be Mushkys, or closely related.

You ask me if I'm Gezhe (Chabad Bourgeoisie). I'm not even sure what that means. Only, I know I'm not it. You say I must be Gezhe, since I would only marry within Chabad.

I don't see the humor in that.

You say things like, 'Oh I've been to Chevra shul'  (the controversial Crown Heights 'modern shul'.')

That's great. I don't care.

I ask you why you assumed I'm Chabad.

You say I have a certain 'look'.

I still don't get it.

You say it must be because I'm not wearing the thick seam stockings.

Huh.

In class a guy with a clearly Jewish name asked me what my plans are for 'HH'.

I look at him blankly.

'High Holidays', he clarifies.

Still not getting it.

He asks me what synagogue I'm affiliated with.

Um, none really.

He tells me he bought  new 'Talis'.

That's great. Really. I would totally buy a new one if I wore one too.

I wonder if this is his once a year check-in with G-d. Maybe that's why he is so eager to discuss it with me.

Truthfully, I haven't really thought about Rosh Hashanah. I've thought about it, as in I'm aware it is coming up pretty soon. But self-reflection- none of that.

Does this guy have it easier than me? Once a year check up, get a new Talis, go to synagogue. He keeps talking about it. Either he is trying to impress me, or it is really important to him.

Me: Oh wait, when is Rosh Hashanah again? The 22? No, wait, that's the day of my friend's wedding. (Think: Dress, hair, make up, shoes. Yup, that's what I'm looking forward to.) So, Rosh Hashanah must be a couple days after. Huh. Okay.

Who am I, you want to know?

I'm different. I'm Chabad and to some that means making fun, singing yechi when I walk in the room, mocking me.

To another, I may be as frum or more frum than his lady-Rabbi. I may be that one connection to real Judaism. I may be the representation of everything religious to him.

I don't know what I am. Everyone wants to know these days, esspecially Shadchanim.

'How tznius are you?'

I don't know, do you want me to measure my skirt?

Who am I, you want to know.

People, does it really matter?

A Jew is a Jew is a Jew.

This year, we are all celebrating Rosh Hashanah together.

And that's all that matters.

It's a Man's World

In the company where I work, there are mostly men employed in upper management. Amongst the females are myself, and about 4 other women. For some weird reason, the women's bathroom is in the all-male manager's office, while the men's bathroom is in the break room. Any time I need to use the facilities, I must walk amongst all the guys. It's awkward.

What I learned while working here:

1) Grown men are really just little boys in grown up bodies.

2) They have no filters. Even when women are in the room, they crack dirty jokes. The kind of things I'm sure they'd never want repeated to their wives.

3) They curse. And then put fake money in the swear jar.

These people are all older than me by at least ten years. At times I feel like I'm in a room full of children.

Hopefully this is just their 'playground', and they can then go home and be respectful husbands and fathers.